Lee...
I feel similarly. It has become quite a chore for me and that has much to do with my personal decision to become a Cali legal medical cannabis patient - for me it simultaneously raises my level of tolerance for the contraption on my face while also helping me to get sleepier earlier (bad sleep patterns are leftover from a period of severe depression awhile back).

I really enjoy falling asleep without the BiPap on but I hate how I feel when I wake up. I miss the ability to just fall asleep comfortably anywhere when I get tired and wake up feeling refreshed. It used to be that when I was tired, even a concrete slab felt like a nice bed.

Now, when I wake up without using the BiPap, I feel beat up. Getting to sleep with the contraption on is a true ritual at best - many times, I get worked up and want to smash my resmed.

Overall the BiPap helps quite significantly - but in broad strokes. I still feel like s--t when I get up in the morning and need to "unwind" from sleep which can take up to 1/2 hour. I still feel rather tired a lot but nothing like when I did not use it at all. If I get 5 or more hours, I don't have the deep sense of sleepiness that hits around 3-4 pm. 4 hours or less, and I will crash if given the chance.

Don't get me wrong - it has saved my life and lifestyle. But its not been easy.

Peace.
MC

I hate sleep. I sleep too much, I'm sleepy all the time, sleep feels like the albatross around my neck. I do not enjoy spending so much time passed out. I've always felt this way about sleep. It makes me angry that I need so much sleep and it makes me angry when I haven't woken up.

I'm grateful for my biPap, because it allows me to sleep less and feel less sleepy.

I look at sleep with mixed emotions. While I have NO problem using my CPAP and have a very well-fitting mask, I hate the "before bed" routine -- hooking up the equipment, making sure I have distilled water in the humidifier. And I take a lot of medication before I go to bed at night and then again when I wake up so I easily have a lengthy routine before bedtime. And no more joy to just crash on the sofa and snooze if I want a nap. No, I have to go hook up and use my CPAP or snoozing has no meaningful reason.

I'm still sleeping way too much, at least in my opinion. I get 9 hours sleep at night and at least several days a week I still seem to crash around 3-4PM and need a nap. There have been times when my husband has called to let me know he's coming home from work and he's literally woken me up, 2 hours later!!

I will forever sing the praises of CPAP therapy because it has given me a life back. But here I am after 2 years diagnosed and using treatment for OSA and I have to wonder -- is this as good as it gets?

There is no question that the bipap / cpap are worth using and I would never advocate not using it. My biggest motivating factor staying with it is the suffocating dreams.

I guess what I am getting at (setting the ritual of the cpap a side), is that all I want to do is sleep. If I could sleep all day, I would. I agree with Leah, after 3 years of the bipap, is this all there is.

I know the bloody machine is working; the few times I could not use it, I felt the difference, but damn, I would like to wake up one morning feeling refreshed and not like all I want to is go right back into bed. I don’t mean to bitch here and maybe this is the appropriate place to bitch. <shrug>

The thought came to me when my wife and I had a small fight over me staying up until 4 or so in the morning for a few weeks in a row. I really could not explain it to her at the time of the disagreement. I love my wife and we have gone through a lot together. She is a stroke survivor at the age of 38. BTW: Stay away from Yazim or Yaz as it is now called. It is what caused my wife’s stroke. If you have any question, we have a ton of research on the drug.

ANYway, then the other day it hit me, I hate sleep; just sleep in general. I so used to the bipap and the mask; neither have ever bothered me. I feel the same in the morning regardless if I get 4, 6, 8, 10, or 12 hours asleep. It does not make any difference.

So, I told her that and she came back at me with that she hates it too because she does not get enough, between working on her MBA and her career.

I guess I am looking for away to express what I am going through; to help her understand what I am dealing with. Thanks for your all your insights.

OK, I'm going to toss another log on the fire and add to the communal bitch-fest: Are we truly dealing with a "disability" here? Maybe medically and legally OSA wouldn't necessarily be labeled as a disability but it has so many ramifications to the quality of our lives.

I still suffer from depression even though I'm on medication. I don't have lots of energy or motivation. Yes, I'm functional; but there's more to life than just being able to function in it. Are there days when I feel really good -- yes. But even with CPAP and faithfully wearing it for 9 hours a night I wake up exhausted and still wanting to go back to bed. Is this "normal" for us with OSA?

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. Believe me when I say that I truly know how blessed I am in SO many ways. But part of me still has to wonder, is this as good as it gets?