MC,

All my prayers and best wishes that your income situation will resolve quickly for you. And I know what's its like to be distracted and preoccupied and rather absentee. It's OK. We all have things that we're dealing with and need the time and mental energies to do so. We're here for each other, thanks to you.

The question: how do you generally feel? Generally, I'm certainly more functional with my CPAP therapy. Of course, I'm one of those rare cases where I haven't gone without using my CPAP since my diagnosis almost 2 years ago. Yes, I have gotten more of a quality of life back; but it varies from day-to-day. I have been dealing with other health and pain issues since my OSA diagnosis and/or in conjunction with it. I don't handle pain well, or stress. I have a very low threshold for them. The level of discomfort/pain that would cause me to need to lie down, put on my CPAP and sleep it off might seem "normal" to someone suffering from more painful conditions and/or stress-related issues than I do. The hardest thing I'm dealing with on a daily basis is depression. While I understand that for some people, depression resolves itself when PAP therapy is adhered to; in my case, it's a chemical imbalance and no amount of positive air pressure is going to cure my body's inability to produce certain chemicals I need. So, I take daily anti-depressants. And while they do help, I'm not seeing the improvement I had hoped to. It may be a simple case of having to increase my dose since I'm on what is considered a "starter" dose. I still feel the need to nap most days. But I'm starting to wonder, is it just my way of wanting to escape the depression by curling up where I feel safer and sheltered, with my sweet Corgi beside me keeping me company with his careful canine watch? I have a "fairy-tale" life -- a husband who loves me and provides for me; children happily married with beautiful families of their own. So people would say I have no REASON to be depressed. No, I have no "reason" -- I have a chemical imbalance.

More later -- doorbel!!

HI MC,

I am sorry to hear about your income decreasing..that can't be good. I hope it turns around to end up being something really good soon.

On to your question about quality of life etc. I am using my CPAP every night now thanks to all of you here. I do feel better, yes. I don't feel 'normal, no. I still fall asleep if I sit down to watch TV in the evening. I am easily disturbed by loud noises and find it hard to concentrate if there are many distractions around when I am working (other people talking loudly while I am on the phone with a doctor etc).
I miss how I used to be. I miss being able to juggle so many things at once. I miss being the go-to gal who knew what was going on everywhere and who could get everything done. I do a good job now, I know that I do..I am just not that over achiever I used to be.

Lately I have been exercising more..hitting the gym at least 4 days per week plus bicycling. I have been eating well and reconnecting with old friends. All of those things have started helping me feel better. I am thinking I have been able to do those things partly because I am sleeping better each night.

I have pretty much given up hope of feeling normal again I just realized when I read your post, MC. I guess I think of the apnea as a disability that I not only have to deal with but that I also feel sort of ashamed of. ... hmmm I suppose that could be a whole nother post huh?

Thanks for the food for thought
Pam

MC, my best wished go out to you and I am sure things will turn around for you. You have always come across insightful in your posts.

Like, I said in my very first post to this site. I still feel like nothing has improved. For the most part, the only thing that has stopped has been the night sweats and the horrible suffocating dreams. I have faithfully used my bipap going on 3 years. I never had a problem with wearing the mask. So, I guess I am one of the lucky ones, but my energy levels never really improved.

With that said, I can say this much; before going to the Mayo Clinic, my last settings were 20/18. At that time, I did not snore, but I was tired all the time: along with half-a-dozen other issues.

The Mayo Clinic reduced my settings to 12/6. I felt worse after the change, but I figured I had gotten used to the higher settings. 3 years is a long time. Also, I had to switch from the nasal pillow back to the full face mask. I felt like I was not getting enough air.

ANYway, after a few weeks, I got used to the lower setting and I switched back to the nasal pillow. I guess I have been coping with the low energy for so long that I did not notice the mass amount of fatigue I have been dealing with lately. My beautiful wife started making comments that I am distance or I am not paying attention to what is going on around me. I had gained back some of my alertness before the change. Then she commented to me that I started snoring again. It was then I realized that I am feeling like I did when I was first diagnosed with OSA. It feels like it is almost impossible to stay awake and all I want to do is sleep.

I don’t see the Mayo's Sleep Specialist until July, but I had a follow up visit with my Pulmonary Doctor last week. He skirted around that comments that Mayo made concerning possible lung damage from the higher settings. Nonetheless, I had him put in an order to Apria to change my setting to 16/12. I thought what the hell split the difference. I feel like crap. I got to do something and I went 3 years at 20/18 and I didn’t take any lung damage.

Sorry for the ramblings, but it almost 3:30 am and my wife is going to kill me for staying up so late, but I hate sleeping. To answer your question, I feel like a walk zombie.